If you want to get your ex back, then you need to clean up your act. If you want to wallow in your grief and heartache then fine, do that out of sight of other people.

This is “Do” number one as far as I’m concerned. For one thing this will help your cause in numerous ways and for another, you will finally become fit for human interaction! (Read the earlier section called “Breaking up is hard to do”.) Anyway, this section is dedicated to helping you with a few do’s and don’ts when you’re attempting to get your ex back. As you go through these remember that these are not things that are set in stone. Feel free to either use them, or discard them as you see fit.

The only requisite that you might want to follow is the one I gave earlier on cleaning yourself up. Really, without this one important thing done, you will find that not only does your ex run away from you, but so does the rest of humanity! Below I have given what started out as a short list but which has slowly expanded over the course of my writing this book.

You can think of it as a short list of the various things that you should and shouldn’t do when dealing with, or trying to mend, your broken relationship. A sort of prelude to the things that you need to do, to get your relationship back in order.

Clean up your act

Since I’ve already been through the relevant bits of this in the earlier section I won’t go into too much detail again here.

The point is that besides your joining the human race again, you will find that you grab the attention of your ex when they find that you are not as devastated as they expected you to be; that you can function properly and act like a normal human being without them by your side.

Your ex will become piqued when they see that you have already moved on from the breakup. There’s nothing more annoying than to see a person who has recovered from what was supposed to have been a hard breakup.
This is good when you eventually show your ex that you although you can live without them, you would rather live with them.

Act normally

Act like you normally would, as if nothing has happened, or gone wrong, as if all is right in your world, when you meet your ex after The Breakup – even if your heart is breaking.

This will show them that you have a strong core, and if one of their complaints was that you are weak and/ or clingy, this will show your ex otherwise.

It will also reinforce their perception, when you finally maneuver things around so that you can get back together again, that you can be without them, only that you would rather be with them than without them.

Keep your dignity

Learn to keep your dignity about you, even wrap it around you like a cloak. And whatever you do, don’t mix up dignity with pride though. Pride is not a good thing to wrap yourself in, and you will pay the price for your pride later on.

(If you’re interested more on that subject, the section called “Pride has its place – learn where it goes”, can be helpful to you.)

Back on the subject of dignity, this is what you need as the very last thing that you want to do is to begin ranting and raving like a lunatic. Doing this will only reaffirm for your ex that they made the right decision in leaving you.

It might feel good to vent a little steam, but please, if you are going to do it, don’t do it in a public place. Some things should remain private and this is one of them!

Keep a smile on your face

You should always try to keep a smile on your face, no matter what the provocation. This is true even if your ex is with another person. Learn to keep a smile pasted on your lips, your facial expression pleasant, and make a point of being nice to both of them.

This is good practice as it will show your ex that you can be a mature adult and that you have no hard feelings towards them. It will also give them food for thought when they see that you are not a first class so-and-so.

You will also be showing your ex that there is more to you than he/ she might have thought.

Whatever you do though, don’t ignore or otherwise treat your ex’s new love interest like a pariah. Unless your breakup occurred because of infidelity on the part of your ex, there’s a good chance that this is a rebound relationship.

This means there’s a good chance that the relationship, if you can call it that, won’t last very long. If you can manage to be nice during this trial period, your ex will have the option of turning back to you when the time is right.

Do the unexpected

Do the unexpected, always keep your ex guessing whether you’re really heartbroken or not, and whether you harbor any ill will towards them or not.

Act as if all is right-as-rain with your world, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, and you will surprise your ex out of their complacency that they know you and that they know how you will react.

And since, if your ex is the one who broke up with you, they would expect you to be devastated by their defection, the best thing that you can do would be to keep them on their toes guessing at your unexpected reactions.

This is the best way to keep people on their toes, by doing the unexpected, by reacting in ways that they wouldn’t expect you to.

For instance, if you ex expects you to be devastated and react in a like manner, or react like a raving lunatic, then surprise them by acting like a sane person.

This is not to mean that you should act in the opposite manner of what your ex or anyone else for that might expect from you.

What you need to do is to keep them guessing as to what your real emotions are, because they will expect one thing from you, and you will be giving them something else.

... continued in the book