No, nothing kinky going on here! In this case, the saying “If you don’t have anything to good to say about somebody, then say nothing at all” holds a lot of water. If you have nothing good to say about your ex, and all that comes to your mind every time that you think about him/ her, are things that are unprintable, you need to keep your mouth shut. If this is your reaction to breaking up, then you will more than likely say something that you don’t mean to, something that can’t be taken back. Words spoken in anger can be more hurtful even if they aren’t the truth, because they are chosen with precision to do the most damage possible. So hold your tongue if ever you feel like saying something that is unkind.

Chances are that you will regret it almost as soon as you say it, and at that point I’m afraid there is no going back on them. You will need to do more than a quick two-step in order to get back in the good graces of your ex. Actually, it is best to keep whatever nasty remark you are feeling, inside you, regardless of whether you want to get back together with your ex or not. Part on a friendly footing if you can, no hard feelings. This is really the best solution if you can manage it. And if you feel the urge to verbally hurt your ex in any way at all, then you might want to keep away from him/ her. Otherwise you will surely find yourself succumbing sooner or later to all the hatred within you.

You might even want to seek counseling to help you resolve your feelings if they continue unabated for too long. This type of attitude can even become self destructive and without anyone or anything handy on which to inflict your hatred you might find that you are directing it towards yourself instead. Before we wrap up this section, I would also just like to say that if your thoughts every time you see ex are along these lines, where you want to spit in their eye or tell them what you really think of them, then you might also want to reconsider your decision to try and get back together with your ex. There are obviously some very strong negative feelings here and until your resolve them, you might not want to go back into the same relationship.

So hold your tongue and say only good things about your ex if want to. Or better yet, say nothing at all. In this way, you not only keep from hurting yourself and your ex with your angry words, but you also preserve your dignity.

... continued in the book