Just because you’ve broken up with your partner is no reason really for you to act all juvenile and do things that your otherwise sane, mature self wouldn’t do in a thousand years.

Think about what you are doing before you do it. It always pays to look before you leap, and in this case, this is especially true. A decision made in the heat of the moment when you are still reeling from your breakup may not be, in fact probably isn’t, the best decision that you could ever make.

As I keep saying, take the time to cool down and think things through before you go on a stalking spree! Leave your ex well alone until you can think clearly, and until then occupy yourself doing something constructive like getting on with your life.

Go out with your friends, make new friends, find yourself a hobby if you don’t have one, go places, see things, and do things that you always wanted to do but were unable to. The time is right for you to get away from yourself and your woes, so do it.

One word of caution though if you are “going places, seeing things, and doing things that you always wanted to do”, don’t whatever you do, become mired in morose thoughts that you should have been doing these things with your partner, or that it would be more fun if you were able to do these with your lover.

This might all be true, but, for one thing you’re not together, you’ve broken up; and for another thing, if you had been together with your partner for some time already and still hadn’t done any of the things on your “must-do” list, chances are that you would have taken a very long time indeed to get around to doing it with them.

Take the chance that you have to do these things, and only wallow in your misery away from public eyes, because really you came on these jaunts to get away from your troubles, not to bring them to everyone else!

If however, you find that you can’t bring yourself to even leave your home to go out for your usual morning cup of coffee and roll at the bakery down the street; or you find yourself cringing at the thought of going for your usual Sunday brunch with your friends, since this is something that you and your ex used to do together, then you need to rethink your position.

You look to be in a bad way if this is your plight, and although not everyone can be a Pollyanna and see the silver lining in every single cloud, you might want to at least make the effort to be cheerful.

And if, while you’re in this state, you think of any bright ideas on how to get your ex back, I say “Please don’t!” These types of ideas are probably the last thing that you want messing up your life. Sit back, let the world revolve around you for a little while, then make some definite plans.

Outlined below are a few of the more unhelpful ideas that you could think of, and horror of horrors, carry out. They all begin with a “Don’t” so take heed, and please “don’t” do any of them, or anything else that could remotely be perceived to be abnormal behavior!

As usual I have given these in point form first, and then expanded on them afterwards.

•    Don’t become a “stalker” -- I think this says it all really!

•    Don’t give in to the urge to recriminate -- you will only engender a disgust of yourself in the people around you

•    Don’t wail and rant and rave -- again, not much need for explanation, although I will say that if you can hold yourself together that would be excellent

•    Don’t come on too strong -- don’t try and win back your ex by trying to force it down their throats, take things slowly instead and use the “softly, softly” approach

•    Don’t become a doormat -- this is the exact antithesis of coming on too strong. There is nothing worse that you could do than to become the doormat for your ex to wipe their feet on, on the way out the door

•    Don’t contact your ex’s family to find out information about them -- can you see where this might lead your ex to get a restraining order on you, especially if you begin to bug everyone that he/ she knows?

•    Don’t hit on your ex’s friends -- self-explanatory, don’t you think?

•    Don’t do a “Ross” -- I had way too much time on my hands when my partner went overseas on business and spent my time watching “Friends”. For an explanation head on over to this section.

... continued in the book